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What qualifies a woman as more than a "Ms. Right Now?"
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DATETALK DATING DILEMMA
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Mon, Feb 15
Executive fishes for rich guys; falls for liars hook, line and sinker Dear DateTalk, I'm 32 years old and I'd like to meet a man who is well educated and professional, but I have crazy hours in the event planning business, so I decided to try online dating. But after three tries with three different guys, I'm beginning to think I'm wasting my time--and money. Please tell me what I'm doing wrong. The first guy said he was in the hotel business, so I pictured a real mover and shaker. But when we met for dinner, he was a lot younger than I expected--like 24--and it turned out he's the front desk clerk at the Super 8 Motel, not even a hotel! The next guy I met online told me he was a doctor, but when I asked his specialty he told me something weird I'd never heard of before. So I googled it. Nothing came up. I wrote back, asking him to explain. Guess what? I never heard from him again. The last guy really seemed like he was professional and he talked about taking me out on his boat up in Marblehead. He also told me he loves Corvettes. When he came to pick me up, he was in a red Corvette. (OK, it was a Bronze Age model.) We had a nice lunch at a little restaurant and then we went to his place. I couldn't believe my eyes. Next to his "house"--a converted barn he's renovating--was a row boat. That was his boat! Should I be catching on a little earlier? Or are these guys just good at presenting themselves the way they want to be seen? Angela
Your definition of educated and professional seems to be measurable by bank account size, Angela, so it's hard for us to feel too sympathetic.
As for the problem, all we have to say is: questions, questions, questions. Did you talk to the 24-year-old on the phone? His voice--as well as the things he said--should have been a dead giveaway that he was not a major hotel industry mogul. The same is true for the boat owner. Guys who own toys like that love to talk about them. He'll tell you all about it--doesn't matter that you know nothing about boats. As you saw with the Doctor of Love, a full cross examination isn't necessary. A simple question about what type of yacht he has would probably have elicited a quick, honest explanation--or a ridiculously transparent lie. Either way, you'd know your options were stay home or be prepared to row.
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DATETALK DATING DILEMMA
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Mon, Feb 8
Managing matches proves a juggling act Dear DateTalk, How do I keep track of all my matches? I'm a female, 31, and I'm back to online dating again after a hiatus. Last year, I met a great person online and we were together for several months, but the relationship didn't go the way I wanted it too, so now I've started looking again. To my surprise, I'm coming up with all these wonderful matches. The problem is, I don't have enough time to date them all. I've been emailing and calling them, but this takes up all of my free time. Am I dating too many people? I don't want to be a total player, so I'm hoping you'll be able to give me some advice. I'd like to have a chance to get to know each one them face-to-face before making a decision. With the guys, they usually like to take the lead and choose when and where we're going, but with the women it's a bit easier because I can do that. So I was wondering if there was a way to put people on the back burner? As it is, I've had to schedule more than one date in a day! Is this deceitful? I was hoping you could give me advice on how to keep all these matches straight. Or is there a way to date some of them now and put others in the hopper for later?
Good for you for not rushing into a committed relationship with the first person who crosses your path, Lea. But keeping up the communication with so many possible matches is time consuming, so you need to come up with an elimination process. Let's be realistic: We'd be shocked if you had 10 people you were compatible with, even if you have totally doubled your options by dating both men and women. There have to be some red flags out there--the trick is finding them without wasting too much time. Trust us, it won't stay this way, especially once you start actually going on dates with a few of them.
We recommend a short screening phone call or two before getting together with anybody. Then, if you're still interested, don't be shy about triple booking Sundays: a brunch, a coffee in the afternoon, and a drink in the evening. You know, like in the movie, "Must Love Dogs," where Diane Lane goes on a date and finds the man she's meeting is actually her father who arrives with a rose in hand. At the end of date, he asks for the rose back because he's got a 3:30. Another important thing: If you don't see the stars aligning on the first date, it's not getting any better on the second or third, so cut 'em loose. As for the juggling act in the meantime, text messaging is a great way to stay in touch, and email is its kissing cousin. Sending a brief, "Wow, what a week," message now and then can remind someone you still exist while sending the message that you're busy.
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